The key to change... is to let go of fear. -Rosanne Cash
Yesterday I quit my job. It was a hard decision and one that I struggled with and put off finalizing for about two years. Now the deed is done and I'm still not sure how I feel about it.
For the last nine years I worked as an independent consultant for a direct sales company specializing in easy to prepare gourmet food. I built a team of 50+ consultants with about $250,000 in annual sales. I enjoyed the products, the work, the interaction and the challenge...until I didn't.
The fit just wasn't right anymore. It took me a really long time to admit that. I wanted to make things work. I wanted to be able to just float along, let the paychecks come in without doing more than the minimum requirement of the job. Admittedly, I liked getting a paycheck each month for doing five hours or less of work. I wanted to continue to enjoy the social interactions that conferences and training provided even if I didn't really intend to do anything about the training I received. I wanted things to stay the same.
Unfortunately, I was raised to feel very uncomfortable when my values and my actions are out of line. My job was causing havoc between my values and actions. As I learned in my counseling classes in college, change usually is caused by pain. The discomfort of my actions finally exceeded my tolerance and I made a change.
There was a lot of fear involved in delaying my decision. I feared what people would think of my choice. I feared what conclusions people would come to about me and about the company. I feared a loss of personal worth. I feared a loss of influence. I feared disappointing others. I feared regret. So many fears kept me frozen in place, even though I knew it was no longer my place.
Today, I feel a sense of relief and a freedom from fear. I know that I made a good choice for myself. I know that it's time to end this era and move onto I'm not sure what. I really have no idea what comes next but I know that it's going to be good.
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