Moments Like This

Today on the way to church, I had one of those moments when the curtains are drawn back and everything becomes crystal clear.   In an instant, I found myself, for just an instant, able to see how divorce seems like an option.  My moment occurred when, on the way to church this morning, my beloved husband uttered the words, "Your van smells like cat piss."

For me, the comment about the smell of my van was a source of irritation.  I had to take a deep breath and then say a quick prayer that the Lord would help me find something to be thankful about in this situation. 

I was able to list:
I never have to worry about not being able to recognize a gas leak as long as my husband is around with his super-sensitive smeller
My stuffed up nose was a blessing if the car truly did have that odor
No one else was complaining or gagging
My well-used van was running and able to take us to church even if the odor wasn't desirable
The windows worked and the day was beautiful for a breezy ride to church
My super-sensitive smeller husband was going to church with me in my stinky van

Admittedly, the last one was a bit hard to come to.  And in that moment, the moment where I had to stop and search for gratitude for the man that I married, I realized that THIS is how divorce happens.

In my life, comment about the smell of my van, while momentarily irritating is, over a relatively short time, buried under positive interactions.  Those interactions happen with my husband, with my children, with the world around us.  I don't really have time to dwell on the smell because there is too much rapid fire good coming down the road.  But, if I didn't have all that good, it would be all too easy to dwell on the smell.

I am so thankful that my husband is loving.  I am thankful that his positive comments outweigh his negative comments.  I am thankful that I'm able to put the irritating comments into perspective and move on.  I'm also thankful that for just a moment I got a clear vision  of how important my reactions are in shaping my world. 

Please, don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that with a little positive thinking all relationship problems can be solved.  This morning, my choice to be thankful created a day for which I could easily be thankful.  I am thankful that, more often than not, the choice is mine.  I am thankful for the moments like this that remind me how important it is to be grateful for all good and to think on these things.

Crossroads

It seems that life has come to a crossroad again.  I love the possibility of a crossroad but the actual decision making can be a problem.  I remember in high school when my best friend and I would go out driving on a weekend.  We'd take enough money for ice cream and a quarter to flip when we got to a crossroad and couldn't decide which way to go.  Often we ended up nowhere, sometimes we got lost but we had each other.  We always laughed and laughed.  We always found ice cream.

As a grown-up, a quarter usually isn't part of my decision making process.  Especially when the decision involves moving or changing jobs or selling/buying houses or uprooting children or anything like that.  I've got a different best friend with me for this journey.  A quarter seems kind of irresponsible so instead we make lists and drink wine and pray and talk.  We dream through possibilities and trouble shoot potential problems.  We pray for ourselves, for the children, for the people that will be affected by our choices, for the future whatever it may be.

We may return from our journey this weekend without any real changes to prepare for.  Reaching the crossroad, we may decide to stay on the current path and not to make a turn.  We may decide to take a very different turn and that would change so many things.  Whatever we choose, we will do it together and we will probably find ice cream somewhere along the way.

Wordless Wednesday - Here's to You - 21 Years - I Love You - Cheers!

God Concerning Marriage

It seems as if I keep finding myself bumping into preconceived notions and expectations and wondering how they got that way.  This past week my Bible study has been talking about sex and teaching our daughters about sex in a healthy, Christan manner.  That's a pretty challenging topic and it's caused me to think about what God says about marriage and sex.

Last week I had a long talk with my sister about marriage and God's plan for one man and one woman.  Admittedly, I like marriage.  It works GREAT for me.  I, personally, can't imagine why any man or woman would need or want more than one partner.  Personally, I can't think of a more miserable situation.  Yet, in the Bible there are books full of those situations.  I guess that leads me to wonder how Abraham, Isaac, Jacob.... David, Solomon.... got so far off base and why God didn't mention to them that they weren't following the rules. 

So where are the rules?  There seem to be lots of rules about sex in Exodus and Deuteronomy about who can't have sex and the payment for sexual consequences but no mention of marriage.  Deuteronomy 24 talks about what happens when a woman finds no favor with her husband but it doesn't talk about the act of marriage.  Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-9 and Mark 10:3-12 talk about divorce.  And just to set the record straight, Sarah, in Matthew 19:6 and Mark 10:9 Jesus does say, "What God has joined together, let no man separate."  I'm glad I found those references because that part of the wedding ceremony had been really bothering me.  Having been in situations where a Christian prefaces a personal opinion by saying, "God told me...." I needed to know that the "What God has joined..." line really had Biblical authority.  At least that's one concern addressed.

My question then becomes what part represents God's joining?  Is it the leaving and cleaving?  Does that mean that when we choose a sexual partner, that is God' joining and we'd better stick with it?  Does it mean that a ceremony that represents the leaving and cleaving is God's joining?  Is God's joining dictated by the societal norm or am I really missing something more important?

How much of what we understand as marriage today in our culture was shaped by society rather than by the original intent of God?  That's a mind boggling question and it will join the ever growing list of questions I can't answer.  I can only say that I am thankful for the man with whom I am joined.