Happy Father's Day!

I am so blessed to be able to celebrate two amazing fathers.

My father

and the father of my children.

God is so gracious and I am so blessed.

A Mixed Bag

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,

who have been called according to his purpose. 

- Romans 8:28

Some mornings I wake up and expect the day to be challenging.  Some days, admittedly for me many fewer days, I wake up and expect the day to be easy.  The morning of my birthday I was really expecting an easy day.  I'd dropped my husband off at the airport and then spent an hour chasing a calf the night before.  Those events should have entitled me to an easy day.  Plus, it was my birthday.  Again, an easy day should be a given, right?!

It started well.  I slept late.  My oldest daughter woke me with birthday wishes as she left for school.  I got up in a leisurely manner.  I fed the fish, turkeys, chickens, dogs, cat and cows.  I had a great plan for the day.  Jog, strawberry crepes, no school, library, produce auction, pizza.  Perfect!  I put my headphones on, called the dogs and started on my jog.  Less than a mile down the road my perfect morning fell apart.

My dogs, two large lab/retriever mixes, strayed into the neighbor's yard.  I went after then yelling.  The neighbors dog, seeing a trespasser (me) came barking and growling.  My dog, the more dominate one, defended me by barking at the other dog.  The other dog didn't back down.  My dog became aggressive.  Unfortunately, my dog outweighed the other dog by 70+ lbs.  The neighbors other dog joined in the fray, ganging up on his "sister". I was screaming at my dog.  The neighbors came running for their dog.  It was not a happy situation. 

It's amazing how quickly an easy day can become something else completely.  It took me much of the day to recover from the morning.  I enjoyed time with my children.  We celebrated my birthday in a variety of ways but the sparkle of the morning, the expectation of easy joy, was difficult to recover. 

The neighbor's dog was taken to the vet and will be fine.  I paid the bill, no questions asked.  The neighbors are still very angry with me, especially since my dogs are still living.  They want my dogs dead.  Even though one of my dogs never touched their dog.  Even though their own dog did touch their other dog.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  To me it seems extreme and vengeful.  How do you blame a dog for being a dog?  I was at fault, do they want to put me down?  Probably.  That's not a very neighborly sentiment.

So many days present a mixed bag.  You get good (birthday wishes, chocolate covered strawberries, flowers, pizza, sunshine) and you get challenging (disobedient dogs, angry neighbors, tears, sorrow).  Sorting it all out becomes almost impossible.  Feeling thankful in difficult circumstances becomes tricky. 

There are so many lessons to be learned and truths to be recognized in each and every day.  Even when I'm not grateful for the specific circumstance I can be grateful that I've had the day to experience the good along with the bad.  I can be thankful that the blessings of grace and mercy are mine, even if they won't be coming from my neighbor.  I can be thankful.  Now, how long did it take me to choose gratitude?  Longer than it should have. 

Sometimes I can access grace quickly in bad situations.  Sometimes I wallow in the misfortune before I recognize that God is with me in all things, not just the easy things.  Thankfully, while I wallow, God is with me.  And that is most certainly for my good.

Random Bits of Christmas Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is December 21, 2012.  Talk of the Mayan calendar and the end of the world has increased the closer we get to the date.  Our tradition is to hold a party on the longest night of the year.  As I sit in my warm home listening to the wind bluster outside I am so thankful for so many good things.  Since tonight might be the last, I want to celebrate with thanksgiving and praise.

I'm thankful that the Jesse Tree and my Advent plans have gone as well as they have.  I'm also thankful that I've been able to let loose of the imperfections and appreciate each moment just as it is.

I am thankful that I've got one pair of pajama pants finished and the other three cut out.  There is hope for homemade Christmas pajamas after all.

I am thankful for online shopping, FedEx, UPS, and the U.S. postal service.

I'm thankful that I've been able to keep up with wrapping gifts as they arrive.  It's so nice to have it done without a marathon wrap session.

I'm thankful that my children are older.  I have loved every age and stage after 4 months.  I wouldn't trade the days with toddlers for anything.  Even preschoolers are worth keeping.  However, the luxury of having help cleaning the house, cooking, putting away laundry, unloading groceries...it's priceless.  I have so much more freedom and flexibility now than I've had in years.  I am so thankful for the blessings that my children are to me.

I am thankful that we are financial secure and that we have enough to share and give.

I'm thankful for a husband who makes charitable giving a priority.

I'm thankful for the means to buy our children so many things that they want.

I am thankful that all my needs are met.

I am thankful that Rob is here to share Christmas with us this year.  I try not to stop and think about what could have been.  It's paralyzing, really.  I am so thankful for what is.

Heavenly Father,
I praise you for your grace to me.  Each day you save me.  Each day you send new blessings.  Each day you are wonderful.  Thank you for all the blessings that I've shared here, Lord, and for so many more that I haven't shared yet.  Thank you for enabling me to sing your praises.  May my praise and thanks please you, Lord.  Amen.

Seeing More Clearly

After three days without electricity, I am seeing things a bit more clearly and it's not just due to my restored ability to flip on a light.

A storm on Friday evening ripped through our area knocking over trees, separating roofs and siding from houses and snapping the electric lines.  On Friday night the storm affected us by cancelling a birthday party and keeping Rob at work.  Watching the storm kept us busy in the early part of the evening.  Looking for candles and flashlights kept us occupied for a bit.  We found enough candles to light our way and discovered that none of our flashlights worked.  The rest of the evening was spent verbally  processing the storm and our experience to date and reading by candle light.  We all fully expected to wake with electricity.

When Saturday morning dawned with no electricity I realized that some plans would need to be re-evaluated and other plans would need to be made.  Rob came home from work with the news that the effects of the storm had been far reaching.  Some authorities were predicting 5-7 days without full electric power being restored.  He was concerned about not having a full tank of gas for his truck.  Discovering the impact of the storm, I became concerned about having the food and supplies we'd need at home for surviving without electricity.  He'd been awake for more than 24 hours so sleep topped his list of requirements.  While he went to bed I left the house looking for gas and supplies.

Living in a farming community has its privileges.  A service station with a generator that was still able to function was one of them.  A community that is able to trust and serve each other is another.  The line at the service station that stretched on for over a quarter of a mile encouraged me to check the local stores to meet our other needs before I parked the truck to wait for gas. 

The local IGA was open on Saturday morning until noon.  They had someone stationed at the door to slide open the   doors for customers and people with flashlights to help customers find things they needed.  Payment was cash and check only.  In an uncharacteristic move, I had both in my purse.  God is good.  At IGA I was able to get buckets, candles, batteries, propane, bottled water and easy-to-fix, no-refrigeration-required food staples. As I returned to our house, the tiny bit of gas in the truck let me know that making it home was more important than waiting for gas and running out of fuel before the line moved far enough forward. 

Upon my return home the children helped me unload my supplies.  We then began to move through the house and farm checking everything and finding out what needs needed to be met.  We gathered all the candle stick holders and flashlights, replacing candles and batteries were needed.  We ended up with two working flashlights and eight or so candles.

Our next mission was meeting our water needs.  At the farm, we have a cistern that catches our spring water.  The storm the previous night had ensured that we had a full cistern.  We managed to push back the heavy, concrete cover.  Then we tied one of new buckets to a rope fastened to the cistern.  By doing so we were able to lift buckets of water to be taken into the house.  We filled two buckets for use in two of the bathrooms.  By using the buckets to fill the back of toilets with water we could make them flush even though our electric water pump wasn't operating.   After setting up our indoor toilets, we filled pitchers and buckets for use in the kitchen.

As Saturday passed we continued to hope that the predictions about the electricity had been exaggerated.  On Sunday we were able to join our church family in worship.  While we were all without power, we were all safe and it was good to be together.  Some had generators, some had water, help was offered on several fronts.  One family gave us access to a hot shower.  Another family offered a generator to keep our freezer from thawing.  One friend even offered to bring me hot coffee.   By Sunday evening we were all clean and the concern of losing all our beef and chicken had been relieved. 

Monday morning brought a breakfast of steak and eggs.  S10 was scheduled to go to 4-H camp this morning so his day brought disappointment.  Camp was cancelled due to lack of power.  The plans for the day included several unsavory jobs, including emptying the refrigerator and freezer and discarding the things that may have gone bad without adequate refrigeration.  In addition to cleaning out the refrigerator, we  heated water on the grill to wash the dirty dishes that had accumulated over the weekend.  While we were heating water and washing dishes we cooked a chicken on the grill.  We were able to enjoy a lunch of chicken and watermelon before we went to the community pool for a few hours of refreshing coolness.  We came home from the pool to spend some time with Rob before he returned to work for the night.  When he left we went to the library for an internet connection and some cook air before bedtime. 

We returned from the library hungry.  K15 fixed hamburger helper on the grill while I took care of the animals.  Before dinner was cooked, we saw the electric company crew pull into our driveway.  Within the hour, our electric had been restored and we ate dinner in the air conditioning, ceiling fans blowing and lights on. 

Spending several days without electricity was eye opening.  First of all, it made me realize how much I take for granted.  I'm not ready to become a survivalist but I do know that being prepared for some basic emergency situations is a wise idea.  I am more prepared now than I was four days ago.  I plan to be better prepared still.  Secondly, it made me realize that character building is something I need to work on, for myself and my children.  For the most part, everyone was able to pitch in and do what needed to be done. Overall,  my family dealt well with a difficult situation. Unfortunately, the issues that concern me in the best of times, lack of gratitude, selfishness, laziness, disrespect, stubbornness, arguing, were magnified when the lights went out.  I'm not sure how I'll deal with these concern but I do know that I must try. My first step in addressing these issues will be prayer.

It's good to see clearly this morning.  I enjoyed a hot cup of coffee. I savored time sitting on the deck doing my Bible study but I was especially thankful for the opportunity to walk back into an air conditioned house when the morning grew a bit warmer.  God has given me so much.  I pray that I may always give thanks for each of God's good gifts.

Moments Like This

Today on the way to church, I had one of those moments when the curtains are drawn back and everything becomes crystal clear.   In an instant, I found myself, for just an instant, able to see how divorce seems like an option.  My moment occurred when, on the way to church this morning, my beloved husband uttered the words, "Your van smells like cat piss."

For me, the comment about the smell of my van was a source of irritation.  I had to take a deep breath and then say a quick prayer that the Lord would help me find something to be thankful about in this situation. 

I was able to list:
I never have to worry about not being able to recognize a gas leak as long as my husband is around with his super-sensitive smeller
My stuffed up nose was a blessing if the car truly did have that odor
No one else was complaining or gagging
My well-used van was running and able to take us to church even if the odor wasn't desirable
The windows worked and the day was beautiful for a breezy ride to church
My super-sensitive smeller husband was going to church with me in my stinky van

Admittedly, the last one was a bit hard to come to.  And in that moment, the moment where I had to stop and search for gratitude for the man that I married, I realized that THIS is how divorce happens.

In my life, comment about the smell of my van, while momentarily irritating is, over a relatively short time, buried under positive interactions.  Those interactions happen with my husband, with my children, with the world around us.  I don't really have time to dwell on the smell because there is too much rapid fire good coming down the road.  But, if I didn't have all that good, it would be all too easy to dwell on the smell.

I am so thankful that my husband is loving.  I am thankful that his positive comments outweigh his negative comments.  I am thankful that I'm able to put the irritating comments into perspective and move on.  I'm also thankful that for just a moment I got a clear vision  of how important my reactions are in shaping my world. 

Please, don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that with a little positive thinking all relationship problems can be solved.  This morning, my choice to be thankful created a day for which I could easily be thankful.  I am thankful that, more often than not, the choice is mine.  I am thankful for the moments like this that remind me how important it is to be grateful for all good and to think on these things.