A Mixed Bag

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,

who have been called according to his purpose. 

- Romans 8:28

Some mornings I wake up and expect the day to be challenging.  Some days, admittedly for me many fewer days, I wake up and expect the day to be easy.  The morning of my birthday I was really expecting an easy day.  I'd dropped my husband off at the airport and then spent an hour chasing a calf the night before.  Those events should have entitled me to an easy day.  Plus, it was my birthday.  Again, an easy day should be a given, right?!

It started well.  I slept late.  My oldest daughter woke me with birthday wishes as she left for school.  I got up in a leisurely manner.  I fed the fish, turkeys, chickens, dogs, cat and cows.  I had a great plan for the day.  Jog, strawberry crepes, no school, library, produce auction, pizza.  Perfect!  I put my headphones on, called the dogs and started on my jog.  Less than a mile down the road my perfect morning fell apart.

My dogs, two large lab/retriever mixes, strayed into the neighbor's yard.  I went after then yelling.  The neighbors dog, seeing a trespasser (me) came barking and growling.  My dog, the more dominate one, defended me by barking at the other dog.  The other dog didn't back down.  My dog became aggressive.  Unfortunately, my dog outweighed the other dog by 70+ lbs.  The neighbors other dog joined in the fray, ganging up on his "sister". I was screaming at my dog.  The neighbors came running for their dog.  It was not a happy situation. 

It's amazing how quickly an easy day can become something else completely.  It took me much of the day to recover from the morning.  I enjoyed time with my children.  We celebrated my birthday in a variety of ways but the sparkle of the morning, the expectation of easy joy, was difficult to recover. 

The neighbor's dog was taken to the vet and will be fine.  I paid the bill, no questions asked.  The neighbors are still very angry with me, especially since my dogs are still living.  They want my dogs dead.  Even though one of my dogs never touched their dog.  Even though their own dog did touch their other dog.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  To me it seems extreme and vengeful.  How do you blame a dog for being a dog?  I was at fault, do they want to put me down?  Probably.  That's not a very neighborly sentiment.

So many days present a mixed bag.  You get good (birthday wishes, chocolate covered strawberries, flowers, pizza, sunshine) and you get challenging (disobedient dogs, angry neighbors, tears, sorrow).  Sorting it all out becomes almost impossible.  Feeling thankful in difficult circumstances becomes tricky. 

There are so many lessons to be learned and truths to be recognized in each and every day.  Even when I'm not grateful for the specific circumstance I can be grateful that I've had the day to experience the good along with the bad.  I can be thankful that the blessings of grace and mercy are mine, even if they won't be coming from my neighbor.  I can be thankful.  Now, how long did it take me to choose gratitude?  Longer than it should have. 

Sometimes I can access grace quickly in bad situations.  Sometimes I wallow in the misfortune before I recognize that God is with me in all things, not just the easy things.  Thankfully, while I wallow, God is with me.  And that is most certainly for my good.

Happy Birthday H14!

As so often happens, my intentions for pictorial documentation of a birthday ended just after breakfast.  We did much more than eat breakfast and give a single gift on H14's birthday.  The day was so fun I forgot the documentation part.  I suppose it's a good thing since I want to live in the moment.  I need to find a life photographer to take pictures while I'm busy living.

Anyway, we enjoyed a school free day, lunch at McD's, fun time all day, a trip to the library, and dinner with Rob upon his return from New Orleans at H14's favorite local Italian place.

A Delicious Birthday Dinner

S11 chose steak, Caesar salad and rolls for his birthday meal.  The sirloin steaks came from our own cattle.  It was too cold for me to want to grill steaks outdoors.  The steaks I've made indoors have not really been all that great so I went in search of a better steak recipe.  Thanks to Jessie Cross at The Hungry Mouse I found this recipe.  It's not so much a recipe.  It's more a technique.  It is easy, delicious and the only way I will make steak when the grill is not a good option.  Honestly, I may even do this when the grill is a good option.  Seriously, go check out The Hungry Mouse.  Even if you don't want to make steak there are a ton of recipes and other things over there and the pictures are gorgeous.

To go with the steak I tried a new roll recipe from my KitchenAid cookbook.  It was perfect!  I'm always struggling to get bread made in time for dinner.  For some reason, thinking of side dishes at 3pm just doesn't come easily.  This recipe is a wonderful solution to my inability to get my timing right.

KitchenAid Sixty-Minute Dinner Rolls

1/2 cup low-fat milk

1/4 cup sugar

3 tablespoons butter
 6 3/4 teaspoons dry active yeast (3 packages yeast)
1 1/2 cups warm water (105F – 115F)
5 – 6 cups all-purpose flour

In a small saucepan,over low heat stir milk, sugar, and butter together. Heat over low heat until butter melts. Cool until lukewarm.

Dissolve yeast in warm water in warmed mixer bowl. (I warm my mixer bowl by filling it with hot water before I need it.  Right before I'm ready to get started I empty the bowl, dry it, and attach it to the mixer base.)  Add lukewarm milk mixture and 4 1/2 cups flour to yeast mixture.  Using a dough hook, mix on low speed for about 1 minute. With the mixer still going, add remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time, and mix about 2 minutes until dough starts to clean the sides of the bowl. Knead on low speed for about 2 more minutes, or until dough is smooth and elastic – the dough will still be slightly sticky to the touch.

Place dough in a greased bowl, turning it to grease the top. Cover the dough with a clean, dry dish towel, and let it rise in a warm place, free from draft, for about 15 minutes.

Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface, and divide into 24 equal pieces. Form each piece into a ball, and place on baking sheet.  Cover the rolls with the dish towel, and let the dough rise for about 15 minutes. (The recipe in the book suggests making fancier rolls by cutting the large rolls into four equal pieces and cooking them in a muffin pan or rolling them out and making curlicues.  To me, that adds to the time and effort required.  Complicated isn't necessarily tastier.)

Bake at 425ºF for 12 minutes, or until the rolls are golden brown. Remove from pans immediately, and cool on wire racks.

Happy Birthday S11!



S11's started a little earlier than I expected.  He was up well before dawn asking if he it was time for his birthday to begin.  I told him no and he crawled into bed with M8 and me to wait for his special day to begin.

We started the day with decorations and a gift.  S11 chose his favorite cereal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, for breakfast.



Lunch as shrimp cocktail and that's all.

 

Dinner was steak, Caesar salad, rolls and sparkling cider.

Birthday cake was the perfect finish.

Skylanders from Aunt Christy.

Cash from Grandmomma & Grandpap.

Happy Birthday S11!

Happy Birthday K16!



K16 in her "new" car - 2001 Cabrio GLS

 Birthdays are a big thing at our house.  I love to celebrate and have set the expectation that birthdays are a source of supreme celebration.  I try not to fall into the trap of creating perfect birthdays but rather I try to make a celebration that is centered totally on the birthday child.  They get to pick the theme, the food, the activities, and, to some degree, the gifts.  I always have final say but I really do want their day (and mine) to be about them.

As the kids have grown we've established some age expectations for birthdays.  On their ninth birthdays the girls can get their ears pierced.  S10 opted out of this tradition.  For their 10th birthday, we've done a special experience gift.  K16 & I flew to Chicago, had lunch at a fancy restaurant and saw Wicked on her 10th birthday.  Rob and I took H13 to the Indianapolis Zoo for her 10th birthdays.  She got to swim with the dolphins.  S10 went with his dad on a testosterone filled trip to the Pro-Football Hall of Fame and Cabella's.  Our two oldest children received cell phones on their twelfth birthdays.  And this year K turned 16.

Since she turned eight or so, we've been telling K that whatever money she saved for a car, up to $2500, we'd match when she was ready to get her first car.  We hoped that would encourage her to develop a saving strategy. We've told the same thing to each of our children.  Over the years it has become clear that K is not a saver and that the lure of matching funds is not a motivator for her.  As her sixteenth birthday drew closer, her dad and I agreed that we really wanted to buy her a car. 

There were several factors that made this decision that we really discussed.   First of all, we don't want our children to be spoiled.  While we can afford to give them things, we don't want to be "those parents" who gives their child everything and expects nothing.  Those parents end up with "those kids" that no one can stand to be around.  We don't want to give the impression that we spoil our children.  Unfortunately, there are some who view our parenting and judge us as lacking.  Buying our daughter a car is just going to strengthen that low opinion.   Making a decision based on the values we hold and the means that we have without bowing to the opinions of others is often difficult.

We were also aware that once we gave a car to K we set the expectation for our other three children.  Now, I know it doesn't have to be that way.  Buying a car for one doesn't mean we are required to buy cars for all four. Circumstances can change.  Just because we can afford to buy a car for K now doesn't mean we will be guaranteed to afford a car for M in eight years.  However, it would be very disappointing for all of us if we can't meet that expectation. 

Finally, was it the best choice for her?  Would she truly appreciate getting a car or would she just consider it her due?  Would a gift like this cause difficulty or bring joy?

As K's birthday approached we made our plans.  K and I discussed birthday wishes and she was nervous about having a party that didn't include/allow alcohol.  As a parent, it's frustrating that this is a concern my daughter has.  She didn't think her friends would want to come to a dry party.  Rather than watching her stress over whether or not her friends would come or what kind of party would be best, I took over the planning.  I contacted her favorite pizza place and scheduled a surprise birthday party there. We invited her friends by text and Facebook.  We kept it a secret, sort of.  She knew something was planned but she didn't know when. 

She had no clue about the car.  Rob and a friend spent several days driving to car lots to look at a variety of cars.  During that shopping Rob decided on the type of car he wanted for K, a Volkswagon Cabrio convertible.  The trick was finding one in our area, in our price range, in good shape, with decent mileage.  Finding this car was truly a miracle.  We found it on a dealer website about an hour and a half from our home.  The mileage was right.  The price was right.  The car was just what we were looking for.  We traveled to the lot praying that this would be the car.

When we arrived at the car dealership we realized that the car we had seen on the internet was not their normal listing.  This was a new car dealership.  The car we wanted to see was clearly not what they would normally be selling.  We pulled into the lot found the car and took a look.  It was a mess.  The dealer hadn't cleaned it at all.  In fact, it looked as if the window had been left down for awhile because the inside was kind of mildewed.  It was muddy.  In fact, it looked as if it might have been through a flood.  It was rough.

When a salesman came out to meet us, he acknowledged that the dealership really had no intention of selling this car.  He wasn't sure how it came to be listed on their website.  They were just holding it until it could be sent to a wholesaler for auction.  We asked to drive it anyway.  The battery was dead but jumped easily and we were off.  Right away, we could tell that there were exhaust issues.  A new muffler would be required.  Other than the loudness and a loosey-goosey gear shift, the car was great to drive.  It was small and zippy and a convertible.  Tons of fun!  It needed some work but overall it was in acceptable shape and the issues could be fixed.

We made a list of the things that would need to be fixed with the car.  Then we made an offer.  In short order, our offer was accepted and we were the owners of a 2001 Cabrio. 

Our first concern was getting the car cleaned.  Because of Rob's surgery he wasn't supposed to be driving.  I wasn't comfortable with him taking his first drive in a month against doctor's recommendations knowing that it would last over an hour.  We weren't ready to drive the car all the way home so we arranged with the dealership to have their detail people take our car and do their best with it.  We were hoping for a lot but not expecting much.  Our sales person promised to call us the next day as soon as the car was ready.

On the way home Rob called his doctor's office and asked if he could drive or if it was still unsafe.  He was given permission to drive.  By the time we arrived home we had talked with a friend who offered to go over the car and give it a final sprucing.  We had also made arrangements with our mechanic to take a look at the car to see what needed to be done to make the car safe and reliable. 

On Tuesday, August 28, we returned to the dealership to pick up her car.  We were amazed at how well it had cleaned up.  It looked like a different vehicle when we arrived to drive it home.  The mud and grime were gone.  The paint was shiny.  The interior was beautiful.  We were thrilled. 

The drive home just added to our satisfaction.  Putting the top down and soaking in the sunshine left us both knowing that we'd made a great choice. Our friend and our mechanic both reassured us that the car was a good one.  We could hardly wait to give the car to K.

On K's birthday, the surprise party was a huge success.  About 30 friends and family members joined us for pizza and an Avenger's birthday cake.  K was thrilled with all of it and didn't expect anything else.  As we pulled down the road to our house,  K could see lights that didn't really make sense.  Rob and several others had turned their vehicles so the headlights shown on K's new car.  It looked beautiful in the lights.  Sixteen pink balloons billowed out of the open convertible top.  As K got closer to the house she began to ask, "What is that?"  "WHAT is that?"  "WHAT IS THAT?"

As a parent,  it is a great feeling to make our child so happy.  I pray it will always be so simple to make her dreams come true.

Happy Birthday to M!

M celebrated her 8th birthday with a family and friends party at home.  She had beer butt chicken, sweet potato fries, macaroni & cheese, and veggies with dip.  Her birthday cake was our traditional chocolate with Hello Kitty.  The kids loved taking hits at the Hello Kitty pinata.  M stocked up on sparkly purple party gifts.  It's pretty safe to say a good time was had by all!

The Double Whammy

Today is Mother's Day and my birthday. It really is a double whammy. Many years in the past, I've spent the day feeling irritated and resentful for what these days aren't rather than what they are. I'm thankful that this day has not been a repeat of the past.  I am learning that thankfulness really is a choice. Gratitude comes from a thankful heart not a greedy heart.  No day is perfect but my focus determines the value of the day for me.  I can choose to focus on the lack and complain and whine my way through a day or I can choose to focus on the bounty and feel peace and joy.  It really seems like a no brainer but so often I find my focus slipping.

I struggle with events that are suppose to be for me. I'm the planner in my family so having a holiday that is supposed to for me means that I do the planning or I enjoy a quiet day at home. As a planner and someone that enjoys finding great gifts and planning fun celebrations, it's been a challenge to not feel resentful of the plans that are made or not made.

This Mother's Day/birthday I faced the challenge and found peace in giving thanks for my day. Last weekend, I got an air compresser and nail gun as an early birthday gift. I was able to put my bee hives together and spend a beautiful day with two of my children as they helped me with the nailing and painting.

I had the blessing, earlier this week, of having my parents come for a surprise visit. On Thursday, my children and my husband had beautiful tulips and irises delivered to me. My husband took the day off work on Friday and spent part of the day having maintenance done on my van so I have a safe, dependable vehicle to drive. Yesterday, I got to see my youngest daughter play soccer, have lunch with my family and my parents, see a fun movie, The Avengers, and enjoy Coldstone ice cream.

Today, I was able to worship God with my family and spend a quiet day reading and resting. My husband and children took care of all the cooking. I really haven't done a thing. It's been a cool, rainy day. Perfect for pajamas, a cup of coffee, a glass of wine and a book. I introduced myself to Sherlock Holmes. I ate a delicious steak dinner. Tomorrow, I may get to enjoy a birthday cake made by my children.

This day might not be the day I would have planned for myself. I am blessed beyond measure and so, so thankful.

Wordless Wednesday - Happy Birthday H12!

Birthday Surprise!

There are few things I enjoy as much as I enjoy orchestrating a birthday surprise.  This year we surprised our nine year old son with his long dreamed of pet piranha.  Our daughter, turning twelve today, has been requesting a potbelly pig for more than six months.  Her birthday strategy is simple and usually successful, ask for only one thing and you are sure to receive it.

Unfortunately and maybe surprisingly, it was much harder for us to be joyful about a pig than about a piranha.  A piranha requires an aquarium and minimal attention.  A potbelly pig is, well, a pig.  And our daughter intended it to be a house pig.  She did hours of research and continually reassured us that a potbelly pig makes a wonderful pet.  My own research turned up very mixed reviews.  She promised that she'd take total care of her pet.  I've seen her room. I know her inclination to let things slide.  I was skeptical.

Still, after much discussion and prayer, we found a seven week old potbelly piglet for a reasonable price within easy driving distance.  Plans were made and yesterday afternoon we took H-almost 12 to meet, by surprise, her new pet.  Even to the moment when the black bundle wrapped in a dirty white towel was presented to H she had no idea that she was truly getting her pig.  Her face lit up, her feet danced, her hands clapped.  Her reaction was all we could hope for.  Now, we shall see how our amazing birthday surprise becomes part of everyday life.  My prayer is that this pig exceeds all expectations. 

Paxton, the potbelly pig, born February 4, brought home March 20.

Wordless Wednesday - Happy Birthday C!

Happy Birth Day!

Fourteen years ago today, a mother was born.  The birth of a mother is an event that's marked in the heart, not on the calendar.  It's a milestone that is secondary to the birth of the child and over time, it's not celebrated on the day it occurred but on a random day in May. 

I began this day thinking about that morning fourteen years ago.  The baby we had yet to meet was 12 days late.  We drove to the hospital, stopping at McD's on the way for breakfast.  I knew hospital policy was not going to allow me to eat and I wanted a sausage biscuit and cup of coffee to prepare me for the day ahead.  Before dinner on her birthday, I was holding my beautiful baby girl and I'd become a new person. 

I believe my change to mother began at some point during delivery and has continued each minute through the present one. I don't think developing as a mother is a smooth and seamless process.  Motherhood seems to occur in fits and starts.  Sometimes, I'm developing mother skills.  Other times, I'm just surviving and praying for bedtime.  Today, I was celebrating.

I put up pink crepe paper, baked a fabulous chocolate cake, iced it with pink butter cream frosting and stuffed a flock of gift bags with books and the one, most desirable gift, an iPod Touch.  I sang "Happy Birthday" several times, to her and to me.  This is our birth day.  It's one we will always share because on this day we were born to each other.

Happy Birthday!

M5 is now M6!!

Lunch at her favorite Mexican restaurant. 

She's been waiting all year for this!

Happy Birthday to you!

Sleep tight sweet birthday princess.

Birth Days

My sister had her first child a few days ago.  My youngest daughter and my oldest daughter will be celebrating their birthdays in the next two weeks.  All these birthdays have made me think more about what a birth day means to me, as a mother.

I spent part of this morning shopping with my youngest daughter for her birthday party.  She's planning a pajama party.  Pizza, movies, manicures and a sleepover with her friends.  We bought Hello Kitty plates, cups, napkins, invitations, pink balloons, crepe paper, a pinata and candy.   We made a guest list then we filled out and delivered the invitations.

For my daughter, her birthday is all about being the special one.  It's her opportunity to make requests and order the world just the way she likes it.   For me, birthdays are a time to remember.  They are an opportunity to reflect over the past year and all the years before.  They are the day that I focus on one child and our time together.  Each of my children has a birth story that is as unique as they are.  I love that our celebrations now reflect their unique likes, dislikes and interests.  I love sharing a day that is all about them.

I'm certain my children have little understanding about what makes a birthday a truly special day.  It would be impossible to explain how birthdays belong to me more than they belong to them.  They can't understand how becoming a mother to each of them has changed me.  Someday they may be parents and then they will know what a birthday is about.  Until then, we'll share these special days on their terms.  Complete with pink balloons and chocolate cake.  A celebration of the life we share.

Giving and Receiving

I love giving gifts to the people I love and know well.  I love finding just the right thing for just the right person.  I enjoy the Nancy Drew skills that are necessary to ferret out what a person would truly be blessed to receive.  I love listening and looking for clues concerning the perfect gift.  For me, there is a singular sense of satisfaction in knowing a gift was perfectly given and received.

I am, however, terrible at receiving gifts.  There is so little that I want and nothing that I need.  I am blessed on all fronts and my love language is not receiving gifts, it's quality time.  That pretty much counts out anyone not within 100 miles.  If I want something, I will tell the gift giver exactly what I want and expect to receive it, as described.  That rarely flies with my family.

A few years ago, my husband bought me an absolutely gorgeous past-present-future diamond necklace for my birthday.  It was beautiful and it wasn't what I'd requested.  What I'd really wanted was a new bedroom complete with bedding, freshly painted walls and a boutique hotel feel.  Since our master bath is attached, the new bedroom would have to spill over into a new bathroom.  I wasn't expecting a complete remodel, just a surface job but still somewhat pricey. 

As I opened the sparkling diamond necklace all I could think was, "It'll be another year before I can have my bedroom."  That's definitely not the response my darling husband was looking for when he selected my beautiful necklace.   I totally blew it.  I knew it at that moment and I know it today.

This year, I got money for my birthday from my dh.  He's not going to be guilty of selecting the wrong gift again.  I can't blame him.  It is beyond disheartening to anticipate the perfect gift and find it's disappointing to the receiver.  I am blessed that he thought of me at all and that he's so generous with his gift giving dollars.  I'm sad that I've made it difficult for him to feel joyful about giving me a gift.  I'm sad that I feel no joy in selecting a gift for myself.  I have bought a few things but I suspect the rest of the money will sit and wait for an emergency where a few extra dollars will come in handy.

Gift giving is a tricky thing.  Sometimes it is better to give than to receive and sometimes it's best to be a good receiver.

Happy Birthday!

Customize a digital collage

Today we celebrate the eleventh birthday of our daughter. I don't know how it happens but every single birthday catches me off guard. It's not that I don't think and prepare for birthdays. I do. Sometimes I prepare for several different birthday celebrations. I plan dinners, invite guests, buy party supplies and favors for guests. I spend time selecting the perfect gift for the birthday child. I make cakes, to order, to the specifications of the birthday boy or girl. I love birthdays and treat them with all the importance that they deserve. After all, each child only gets their special day once each year.

The part that catches me off guard is the private part. The recollection of the days that only I remember. The private treasury of moments that add up to being the mother of this amazing creature. A creature that is intimately known, only to me. One that I've nurtured and treasured since before she was born. On this day, eleven years ago this child was born and I was born as well. We were born to each other, mother and child.

While I've never talked about this feeling with another mother, I can't imagine that I'm the only one that experiences that soul clutching emotional vertigo when looking at my growing child. I imagine that all mothers must look at their children and see that child at each stage from infant to present in one glance. The rush of knowing that child. The helplessness of time moving on despite the desire to freeze it all for just one moment and hold that precious infant, kiss that sweet from the bath toddler, smooth the hair of that smiling, toothless six year old...and we do. In one blink, we are able to move back in time and know the depth of love we hold for each of those children that are this child.

And so it happens, every birthday. I spend time preparing for the day and forget to prepare my heart for another milestone. I find myself counting candles and fighting back tears as I remember the hours and hours my darling girl screamed as an infant. I ice a cake remembering the stories we read and the songs we sang on car trips and while walking together. I prepare the meal and recall the kisses and hugs, the bathtub games, the laughter, the tears. I set the table and catalog the milestones we've passed, the favorite colors, songs, outfits, movies, foods and friends that this child has loved.

I watch her blow out one more candle and pray that this year is better than any year prior. I pray for her safety. I pray for her continued growth in knowledge and wisdom. I pray for her spirit and her heart. I pray for myself and for the two of us together. I pray that next year we will be celebrating this day with even more joy than we celebrate today.