Engagement

I've been wondering today about the way I engage with the world and especially with my children. I love the idea of being totally present in the moment but so many moments seem to blow right by me. I want to be fully engaged for my children. Yet, when the Barbie meets the Jedi master I'm often running for a book, the computer, the laundry...

My hope is that I would find the desire to occupy myself with the interests and activities of those I love. This is not to say that I would let the interests and activities of others replace the interests and activities that I enjoy for myself. I think there can be room for both. Rather, that I would so enjoy being with the people that I love that the activity would be inconsequential.

I love watching my children. Sometimes the watching, while entertaining and undemanding, isn't adequate. Sometimes I know that I need to take a step closer and engage. Sometimes I'm able to do that. Sometimes I choose to make the children engage with me on the topic of my choosing rather than being in the moment. Sometimes I continue to remain an onlooker. On my worst days, I walk away and find a book or computer or the laundry.

I want those that I love to know that the desire of my heart is to be with them. I want those that I love to have memories of me that involve my presence and participation in a variety of settings. I want to be there and aware. Perhaps good intention is enough. Perhaps being aware of my engagement will increase the amount of time I spend engaged. At the very least, it may force me to make a conscious decision about disengaging rather than pretending like it makes no difference. Because, really, even if no one else notices, I'm aware and it's my choice to engage.

How do you engage in the moment? What do you do when you find yourself disengaging and you don't want to continue that pattern?